Anathema

So, it was inevitable. I was handed the charge phone and the temporary position of charge nurse because and I quote "You have the most seniority tonight". I know the charge nurse scheduled for that night called in sick. Bless her, I hope she feels better. But that leaves one doc, two fairly green nurses and myself who was working a midshift that just extended to an overnight shift to hold down the fort. I have no idea why it is thought acceptable to staff exactly half the number of nurses at night when during the day they have a bounty of nurses. But I digress.

One of my greenies said to me as soon as the dreaded charge phone was placeed into my hands, "No worries, it's going to be a good night." Why didst thou curse me? You are in my boat, too. The shit storm that ensued was truly remarkable.

Now, I was never a superstitious person, until I started working in the ER. I have learned there are some things you do not do: Say the Q word, voluntarily work full moons, say aloud that ___________ (fill in the blank with some dreaded problem) never happens, or even predict the status of the upcoming night.

We had 6 chest pains, count them 6, ha ha ha, chest pains show up. All at the same time, through the front door. Of the 6, 2 were cath lab worthy. One was actively trying to die. And this is on top of all of the rest of the tomfoolery that goes along with working an ER.

I was very happy to see the charge nurse for the next shift arrive.

Naïveté

It's 0300 and the ER was starting to wind down from crazy to steady. We had a new young nurse, Suzy Sunshine, RN, with us who was orienting to the night shift in our busy downtown ER. One of our patients was a woman of the night who was assaulted and was being discharged. She was wearing a tube top, a skirt that barely qualified for the job of a belt, and platform heels. After being told by the physician that she was being released, she was eager to leave. Suzy told her it would be just a moment while she got her discharge papers and the woman stated loudly "Y'all need to hurry it up. I gotta get back out there and make some money!" Suzy got her discharge ready and then returned to the nurses' station and said "Where in the world does she work? It's 3 in the morning? There's nothing open around here right now." Laughter in the department ensued. Poor Suzy- we finally quit laughing long enough to explain what the woman did for a living :)  I'm still chuckling about this... 

Of course, I can't say much. I remember the first time I discovered a frequent flyer patient was just using me to obtain pain meds. Then I had a patient that pulled the patient sticker off her prescription for narcotics and told us all to f* off she had money to make- by selling her newly written script.  You lose a little bit of that eager-to-please spirit.

Another day in the ER

[Phone ringing]
Secretary: "Hospital ER. How may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, can you tell me the name of the big hotel right beside you?"
Secretary: "I'm sorry but there are no big hotels right beside us."
Caller: "Yes, there is. Are you stupid? Is there someone there that I can speak to that knows what they're talking about?"
Secretary: "You realize you have called the Hospital ER, right? Perhaps you are thinking of Downtown ER? There is a large hotel beside them."
Caller: "Oh, yeah. So what's the name of that hotel?"

Bless our poor secretaries- they put up with the doctors, nurses, other staff members, patients and the general public.